The noun gender thing again

No sooner had I done a posting on the gender of nouns in Spanish and French (This and that on 7/20/07) than I received an e-mail from Ségolène Royal, the Socialist candidate in the French presidential elections earlier this year (when she was trounced by Nicolas Sarkozy in the run-off). This e-mail was one of many that I have received from her in her series entitled La lettre de Désirs d'avenir ("The letter of Hope for the future") since I got on her e-mail list prior to the elections (the first on April 22nd and the run-off on May 6th).

This most recent e-mail from Mme. Royal was an invitation to un grand pique-nique (no translation needed) to be held on August 25th by and for the party faithful and to attract sympathizers of all sorts. She signed off Amitiés à toutes et à tous ("Friendly greetings to all (females) and to all (males).") This is just another example of how noun genders in other languages can complicate things--in English she would only have to had said "Friendly greetings to all."

This sign-off is another of the many used in written communication which I wrote about in my posting Parting is such sweet sorrow on 7/11/07.

In my May 1st posting The French presidential election (redux), just prior to the May 6th run-off, I told of the inundation of e-mails I was receiving from Mme. Royal after I had signed up on her website. In that posting I posed the question "...whoever wins, will I ever hear from Ségolène again? I don't have high expectations." Was I ever wrong--I still get her e-mails. They are no longer numbered, as they were before the run-off (the last of the numbered ones was 95).

This and that

In English we have two pronouns with which to designate a noun (sometimes joined with an adjective): "this" and "that", e.g., this large book and that crazy man.

The Spanish have three: "este" (this one close by), "ese" (that one over there), and "aquel" (that one far away).

But the French have only one: "ce." To distinguish between distance, they say "ce (whatever) ci", this (whatever) close by and "ce (whatever) la", that (whatever) over there, "over there" being almost any distance from a few feet to thousands of miles).

The above Spanish and French examples are just applicable to a single masculine noun. The variations are shown below.

Since English doesn't have gender for nouns, "this" and "that" can apply to any single noun. Of course, we do have "these" and "those" for plural nouns. That's it, no further variations.

Ah, but in Spanish and French there are numerous variations:

If the Spanish single noun is feminine, it's "esta", "esa", and "aquella". If it's plural, it's "estas", "esas", and "aquellas". If it's a plural masculine noun, it's "estos", "esos", and "aquellos". Also, the Spanish have a word for "this" and "that" in a very general sense: "esto" (¿Qué es esto?) What is this?; plural it's "estos" (¿A quien pertenecen estos?) To whom do they belong?

If the noun in French is feminine (and also singular), then the "ce" becomes "cette" (cette table ci, this table here, cette voiture la, that car over there). Also, even when a noun is masculine, but begins with a vowel (including the letter "h", which is mute except when preceded by "c"), the "ce" becomes "cet": cet outil ci, this tool here, cet homme la, that man over there). All plurals, masculine and feminine, are "ces": ces livres ci, these books here (livre is masculine), ces lunettes la, those eyeglasses there (lunettes is feminine).

Also, the French have pronouns when the noun is omitted because it has already been specified: ceci or celui-ci this one here (for a single masculine noun), celle-ci, this one here (for a single feminine noun). For plurals, it's ceux-ci and celles-ci (or ceux-la and celles-la respectively).

Parting is such sweet sorrow

How many ways do you end a conversation with someone--in person, on the phone, by e-mail, by letter delivered by the post office (does anybody mail letters anymore?)?

You might just say "goodbye," that's the simplest and most sincere way. You are saying "God be with you." Of course, you can't order God to be with your friend: you don't give orders to God. What you are really saying is that you hope that God will be with him. But that thought is ambiguous. First, what does God being with someone mean? If there is a God, isn't he always with everyone all the time throughout history? (Maybe it's like Jesus being with George Bush in each of the 21 photographs in that wonderful spoof on Bush, Destined For Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush, reviewed in my previous posting Satire is mightier than the sword.) Second, you imply to your friend that maybe God has not been with him for some particular reason--maybe he sinned and fell out of favor with God--and you are hoping that he will behave better and get back in God's grace. Hardly a pleasant thought to convey to your friend.

OK, so much for the philosophising. Back to the original question: How many ways are there to end a conversation? Following are just a few.

I beg to remain, Sir, your most humble and obedient servant. Yes, that was a very common signoff for business letters in the 19th Century. Sometimes the "I beg to remain" was omitted and just the "humble and obedient" was used. Also, sometimes an abbreviation was used: Yr humble and obt svt.

During modern times (at least until e-mails came into being) Yours truly and Sincerely have been in use in the USA. (I still frequently use the latter in business e-mails or faxes, but may well give it up for something less yesteryear.) The British equivalent is Faithfully yours.

The French go way out: Agréez, Monsieur, nos salutations distinguées. (Be aware, Sir, of our distinguished salutations.) They have several other versions, among which is notre parfaite consideration (our perfect consideration)--it's been some time since I've seen that one, but, as I recall, it goes: Assurez vous, Monsieur, de notre parfaite consideration (Be assured, Sir, of our perfect consideration). Whereas the foregoing are more formal business usages, more informal signoffs among acquaintances are often Bien à vous (Well to you), or Bien à toi, (Well to thee) when the familiar form of "you" (the tutoiement) is used.

The Spanish frequently use sin otra cosa, lo saludo atentamente (without anything else (to say), I salute you attentively). If it is a female who is being saluted, it will be la saludo atentamente.

The e-mail has brought about new greetings and signoffs: Hi Joe, blah blah blah. Regards, Harry.

In oral communication (personal or on the phone), I find myself increasingly using the very modern signoffs: "stay cool" and "take care." I used to use "so long" but that is so 20th Century.

The one thing that ties all of the above signoffs together is that they are mostly insincere. It's not that we are being deliberately deceitful when we use them, it's just that it seems cold to suddenly end the conversation or the letter or the e-mail without some sort of pleasantry. So we adhere to custom and say something pleasant as we take leave of the other person.

To put the cart before the horse, a word about greetings in written communication. The "Dear Mr. X" in a business letter (and in most personal letters) is obviously insincere: how can we feel that someone we don't even know is "dear?" "Gentlemen" used to be the preferred form in business letters when one didn't like the "Dear Sirs," but even that form has to give way to modern times. Chances are that at least as many women as men will see the correspondence in question; for that reason I have begun to use "Ladies/Gentlemen." Even then, I am probably being duplicitous in that I don't really know that all of the recipients of my correspondence are, in fact, ladies and/or gentlemen, since I usually don't even know them.

The French, with the most effusive signoffs mentioned above, are the most direct with their greetings in business correspondence: usually simply Monsieur (or Madame). However, politicians or people trying to sell something to the recipient of their correspondence often start off with Cher Monsieur X or Chère Madame Y. (Dear Mr. X or Dear Ms. Y.)

The Spanish often use the greeting Muy señor mío or Muy señora mía ("Very my sir" or "Very my lady," neither of which makes any sense.)

Well, sin otra cosa, Agréez, Dear Readers, my distinguished salutations. Cheers. Stay cool.

Satire is mightier than the sword

All of the ink used by numerous commentators in deploring George Bush's presidency--including my own*--has probably wounded him less than the book Destined For Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush. When I first spotted the book at my local public library, I wondered how an autobiography could be unauthorized; but, as I glanced through the book, it didn't take me long to realize it was a spoof. It is cleverly put together by Scott Dikkers, editor of The Onion, the satirical newspaper, and Peter Hilleren, a producer of radio and TV shows.

* My most recent postings about Bush have been My apologies to Presidents Coolidge and Hoover, posted 3/25/07; One man out of our 300 million has brought this on us, 1/29/07; and The tragedy of the George Bush presidency, 12/18/06.

Selecting excerpts from the book is exceptionally difficult because I find myself wanting to quote everything--the book is so humorous from beginning to end. It is dedicated to "the faith-havers."

In an "Introduction" by Dick Cheney, the VP says "I advised the President that this was not the appropriate time to release a book containing highly classified information which may compromise our nation's security...This was my view based on the evidence, and had nothing to do with the fact that the President had still not given me an autographed copy of the book, for which my feelings were deeply hurt." Later he describes Bush as "...the finest President who has ever occupied the White House. His fortitude in the face of evil has been, frankly, kick-ass." Cheney ends the "Introduction" saying: "Now I must conclude my remarks, and turn my attention back to my official responsibilities here in the underground bunker...I am working diligently to perpetuate the permanent state of war...Now, please go fuck yourself."

In the first chapter, entitled "Like 'Roots' Only White," Bush includes in a description of his ancestry: "My father met my mother at a debutante party when she was 30. He was immediately enchanted by her horse-like beauty, her forceful nature, and her immense stature. She loved his gangly limbs, and his rugged upper-crust Connecticut standing."

Following his birth, an announcement was sent out which read:

Join us in our Joy as we celebrate the blessed birth of our son
GEORGE WALKER BUSH, born July 6, 1946.
Date: August 17th, 1946
LOCATION: The Dallas Marriott Ballroom
Cost: $1000/plate
RSVP
CHOICE OF ENTREE: Sirloin___ Spare Rib_____ T-Bone_____
All proceeds to go into the Bush Election Campaign Fund

A "Third-grade report card from Midland Elementary School," dated May 26, 1954, is pictured. it shows letter grades put in by the teacher having been doctored by the young Bush: a C- in Arithmetic has the "-" converted to C+ by a downstroke over it, a D- in Civics changed to an A+ by writing over the D and making it into the A and putting the downstroke through the "-" as before, and several others.

In a chapter entitled "The Clown-Faced Zombie I Call My Wife" Bush tells of the reception following their wedding:

During our first dance, Laura looked at me with her empty red eyes, and reminded me of my promises to her. She whispered tenderly into my ear "I will eat your soul." I smiled at her and said, "You are my clown-faced zombie, now and forever." And our covenant of love was sealed.

In the chapter "My Name Is George W. Bush and I Am Not an Alcoholic" he writes of his youthful boozing:

During one memorable incident when I was in high school, I drank some Texas Firewater straight from a bootleg still operated by a classmate...In another instance I awoke in the bed of a pickup truck somewhere and did not know where I was...But after forty years of this kind of good cheer, and an inclination to toast in times of triumph, it was time to face the hard truth: I did not have a drinking problem...The day I realized that I was not an alcoholic changed my life.

Probably the funniest of the funny is in the chapter "The Greatest Love of My Life: Jesus." He got started on the path toward his born-again-in-Christ epiphany by "the celebrated prophet Billy Graham...He looked like a frank-incensed Wise Man...His piercing eyes had the effect of searing right through a person like holy lasers." Bush then began attending a men's Bible study group at the Houston Hyatt hotel, where he discovered Jesus:

He was standing there, on the other side of the crowded room, smiling at me...I felt my heart skip a beat, as they say. I examined Him closely. He wore a tattered rag-like robe. His skin was a slightly darker hue, like that of the East Indian or the mulatto. And He had a face like that of the movie star Mel Gibson, but more Jewishy...Jesus then stood and walked over to me, and He said, "Give all you have to the poor and follow me."

For an instant, Bush thought of calling hotel security because "I did not know, in those days, if Jews were permitted in the Houston Hyatt." But, as he talked with Jesus, he realized:

From that day forward, I have had Jesus in my heart. I especially agreed about the part about eternal life. If you simply accept Jesus as your personal savior, all sins are wiped clean. It is all automatic. There is no memorization. No forms to sign. No outlay of capital. You just say "Jesus, come into my heart," and He takes you. It is that simple.

There is a centerfold section of 21 black-and-white photographs of Bush at various times in his life, with Jesus in each picture. He is like the Biblical pictures of Jesus--long hair and beard, flowing robe, and a wreath around his head. He holds the 8-month-old baby Bush, he is with him in his Yale baseball uniform, as he holds his twin daughters at the moment of their birth, as he is sworn in as president in January 2001, in the Oval Office, giving his famous "Mission Accomplished" speech on an aircraft carrier in 2003. .

Jesus was very helpful during Bush's campaign for the presidency in 2000. "In my daily bullpen sessions with Jesus, we would strategify about the day's events and how best to get the message across. Jesus would give me strength during those stressful times. He would remind me of my purpose, telling me that I was God's puppet on earth..."

When Bush had to select a running mate for the nomination as the Republican presidential candidate in 2000. His father had told him "to choose someone who seems less qualified than yourself. Someone who, by comparison, makes you appear to be a seasoned and wise leader."

I then turned to Dick Cheney...I asked him to search the land to find the imagined prince my father had described, the great second-in-command of my destiny. Dick Cheney conducted a thorough search, and found only one worthy candidate: himself. I happily accepted, because I trusted his impartial judgment.

Following his election to the presidency in 2000:

God had made me His instrument on Earth...I knew He would help. He would surround me with the wisest men in the land...The Lord would send Heavenly helpers in the form of Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfield, Scott McClellan, and John Ashcroft. These were the Angels who were sheperded by the Lord to serve in my administration.

He says of the Abu Ghraib prison situation in Iraq:

America does not torture. Therefore, military justice was handed down swiftly against these wrongful torturers. We started at the bottom and worked up the chain of command, all the way to the top. The highest-ranking official in the promotion of torture was Private first Class Lynndie England. A court of military justice found that she was solely responsible for the shameful abuse of these prisoners. She was found guilty and is currently serving her prison sentence.

Criticism of the Commander in Chief is not to be tolerated:

Criticism of the Commander in Chief is the greatest security threat we face in the 21st century. This is one of the vital lessons we learned after 9-11. Such open questions brought comfort to our enemies abroad, who hate us and want to destroy our democratic values.

Could any straightforward denunciation of Bush's policies and his actions have more effect than the satire in this book? I doubt it. There is no better way to take down anyone, any group, or any opinion than satirizing them. There is no defense against satire.